


A Fate Worse Than Dying

by anongore



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood and Violence, Derealization, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Institutions, Psychosis, Scars, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, other dream smp characters are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29450643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anongore/pseuds/anongore
Summary: A look through Tubbo's life.(song name from 'jubilee line' - wilbur soot)
Relationships: Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 46





	A Fate Worse Than Dying

**Author's Note:**

> this is all based on the roleplay, not their irl personas! jschlatt and tubbo have a good relationship irl and i am in no way trying to harm that.
> 
> tw / this fic contains content about domestic violence, alcoholism, self harm and psychosis!
> 
> please do not send this to the ccs in this fic !

Tubbo is seven years old as of today.

He's spending his birthday with his back pressed up against the door of his bedroom, sobbing softly as the pounding on the door gets louder and louder. His knees are tucked up into his chest, face buried between them. The chairs and table are stacked next to him against the door, along with a long metal bar going through his door handle to perform as a makeshift lock. His father had torn off the old one.

As he lifts his head unsurely, he studies his surroundings. There is brown-tinted glass shattered around him, the smell of alcohol polluting the air. His window has been bolted shut, destroying his only chance of getting out of this situation. His room is in shambles, everything that was light enough for him to move but heavy enough to hold the door shut had been shoved against the door in a hurry, leaving everything tipped over and splayed across the floor. He tries to ignore the tingles in his hands from where the glass had punctured his pale skin, tries to ignore the blood dripping onto his floor by smudging it away with his sleeve.

He reaches into the first-aid kit that he kept in his cabinet that was now up against the door, sniffing and tuning out the yelling that's coming from behind him. Pulling out a few packets of antiseptic wipes he cleans the fresh cuts, wincing as he glides over a shard of glass.

Choking another sob, he pulls the glass out with a pair of rusty tweezers, knowing he could only hope that he wouldn't get tetanus. He figures that it's better to get tetanus than have glass lodged in his skin for the next week or so anyway. 

Wrapping the gauze bandage around his hand, he tries to get it around his fingers' a couple times too. It's not done well, and it feels incredibly uncomfortable; none of his fingers can touch, and he can feel the blood rushing to the tips. He brushes the new pain off, finishing it off with an old bandage clip. Luckily the glass had only managed to smash into a single part of his body, otherwise he'd have needed to spend another two hours fixing himself up. With nothing to focus on, he starts to tune back into the world around him, noting that the yelling was still going.

"Tubbo, you stupid boy! Open the door right fucking now, or I'll kick it down myself." Hah. Yeah, sure. Like he wasn't already trying to do that with all that banging and pounding. "When this door is open you're done for, you hear me? You can go stay with your father until I say you can come back, got that?" The deep voice of Schlatt continued, more and more yelling escaping the other's mouth. Tubbo wondered what his father would look like if he cut his voicebox out. He wonders what he would look like after having a screwdriver driven through his head again and again and _again_. Tubbo wanted to rip the horns off of the other man's head, or maybe even his own. He hated that he resembles Schlatt. Their similar facial structure, the horns, the eyes, _everything_.

The banging stops. A muttered apology is heard.

Tubbo shoves the objects away from the door, opening it.

He accepts the fist that drives into his face.

***

Tubbo is eight years old when he first meets his father's new boyfriend. Apparently, they'd been talking online since his fathers' had broken up. The boyfriend does not like Tubbo, and Tubbo does not like him. Their mutual dislike for each other sparked an okay relationship. They said hello and goodbye when they needed to, and did not interact outside of that. If anything, this new guy was on his way to become Tubbo's new best friend.

When he leaves a red handprint on Tubbo's face for the first time, Schlatt shifts his gaze away to the window, blowing out smoke smoothly. There was nothing caring or loving behind his eyes.

Tubbo pretends not to notice the bruises on Schlatt the next morning.

***

Tubbo is nine years old when he goes to school and does not come back the same.

***

Tubbo is ten years old when he goes to the psych ward for the first time.

His father had sent him there after he found him sitting on the road with his legs crossed, waiting for the obvious. Tubbo had tried to explain that someone had told him to do it, that he knew he'd be okay and that it would make him stronger. Schlatt simply grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the house, then spending an hour in his room calling someone. He didn't tell Tubbo where he was going or why he was going there, but Tubbo thought it would be fun. And it was, to some extent.

He met a boy named Tommy, who quickly became his closest friend. They were roommates, which only made it easier for them to spend time together. Tommy was a little bit younger than Tubbo, although he was very extroverted and knew most of the other patients.

The week that Tubbo spent there was one he would treasure for the rest of his life. Besides a couple bitchy nurses, everyone in there took care of him. He felt loved, more than he ever had at home. They fed him three meals a day, plus snacks, let him go outside for two hours per day, and let him put whatever music he wanted on the T.V. The week that he spent there did not feel like enough; he was told that he seemed happy enough to go home.

Tommy and Tubbo promised that they'd stay in touch; Tubbo left with a messily written email on Tommy's lunch menu slip and a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia.

The drive back home is awkward. It's spent with uncomfortable glances and strained necks.

He spends his night thinking about the boy who never talked unless it was singing softly, strumming the guitar his father had brought him. Tubbo never recognised the music he played, he often wondered if the other had made it himself. He thought about the pink-haired boy who had similar problems to himself. The night that he witnessed him screaming at the nurses to get everything out of his head was one of the scariest nights there. Tommy explained that he was in the middle of a psychotic episode, and that his name was Technoblade. Technoblade didn't come out of his room very often, only when called to get his dinner.

There was only one girl in there, who's name was Niki. She'd sit next to the boy who sang for most of the day, giving him nudges of affection every now and then. She often snuck Tubbo an extra cracker at night, winking at him with a giggle. Tubbo thought her accent was pretty. He thought Niki and Guitar Boy would be a good couple, they seemed to get along well.

The boy who went by Sapnap was in there for arson, apparently, he'd been caught planning to burn down his school. Disturbing, but interesting.

The last person that Tubbo saw more than a few times was someone named Philza, nicknamed 'Dadza' by a couple of the others. He was the oldest in the ward; this was his last year in the children's mental hospital, since he'd turn 18 soon. Tubbo wasn't sure what issue he had, but he knew that Techno, Tommy and the Guitar-boy all looked up to him as a father-figure. It must put a lot of pressure on the older, but he'd never seemed to mind. Tommy mentioned that they'd all been in the ward at the same time a couple times over the years, and were close despite not talking that much.

***

Tubbo is eleven when Schlatt officially moves in with him again, after years of only seeing him on weekends. His father explained that it was the best solution to their financial issue, and Tubbo said nothing. Tubbo looked up at Schlatt with dead eyes, receiving a huge smile.

"Tubbo! This is going to be great, son. I've missed spending time with you after school." Schlatt said with a wide grin, canines shining in the sunlight.

The young boy didn't know how to feel anymore. Why was Schlatt being so nice to him after everything? Had Tubbo been dramatizing his situation the entire time? He didn't understand. He hoped that this arrangement wouldn't last long. Fiddling with the friendship bracelet Tommy had given to him a little over a year ago, he took a deep breath in, trying to prepare for what was to come.

***

Tubbo is twelve when someone familiar moves in, Schlatt's boyfriend, or well, ex boyfriend, who's name is revealed to be Quackity. Their relationship was fucked, a complete rollercoaster that Tubbo couldn't bother keeping up with. It made Tubbo wonder why he was here. They avoid each other at all costs, but it's rather hard when Quackity sleeps on the couch. He'd rather be anywhere but here.

Anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> *projects onto another mcyt* i am ok 👍 
> 
> i'm no longer in this situation, i just use writing to cope, please do not feel concerned :) if you're in this situation or ever have been, take care of yourself. reach out if you can. 
> 
> i was gonna write more on the manipulation side of this of how schlatt treats tubbo now that he lives with him but i felt too tired so here u go LOL


End file.
